indieHealer

After a meditation, I heard these words below. Were they coming from me or some place deeper within me? A place I tap into uncontrollably? A place I want to be in all the time, but feel I would be doing a disservice to the human parts of me, that don’t want to feel celestial and whole… all the time.  As I write this, it doesn’t even make sense. Of course I want to be the human that can manifest and go after their dreams without a second thought, like reaching for the water because I am thirsty. That’s how easy it should be, parts of me say, but then the other parts… The parts that have been around me longer than I have known me, say something quite different. They say, “you don’t deserve this. You don’t deserve ease. You don’t deserve a million chances at your dreams, who the fuck are you?”

I always let it ride and go back though, to the hearty space. The space I feel comfortable in and appreciate. The space where I can see and feel both sides. Yet, when will I allow myself to just go all the way to that other side?  That other side of full acceptance and love. Where the actions that lead me to my grander tomorrows don’t have to imbibe toil and trouble; blood, sweat, and tears. After all, didn’t my ancestors already give their all under these conditions WITHOUT their freedom? But then again, maybe that’s what’s inside me. That’s what I am hearing, yet can’t separate myself from it. Maybe I am hearing what my ancestors were told and beaten to adhere to and some of my insides are confused, listening to my past-past instead of opening and aligning to my present? My Presence?

Whatever may be going on within me, here I am again. In my unknown space, in transition, wondering what is next. Wondering if these dreams are really possible. Wondering where is all this fear coming from? Wondering, what other healing modalities must I go through to understand and feel my limitless power? Or maybe, it’s just about the more doing and less heady analyzing….

|||| FROM BENEDICT |||

Languishing on all the past misconceptions of your identity
I have found you here
Suffering the illusions of who you are
We wonder, when you will use your power and display your full potential
No one is a master to you but yourself
Not even the greatest and most kind and humble you look up to
What you see in them is only your deepest manifestation come to life in another
It is easier for you to see their gifts and “accomplishments” in them over yourself
You ask why?
Because is it not easier?
All the dreams and material you want in this world is easier for you to lose if you have it.
If you don’t pursue what it is you want and are, you won’t fear losing it.
But what if I told you if it was lost, is was merely transformed
Just like in this transition period- you are free. No income is coming through yet you’re at the upmost peace in your body and mind since your job was gone.
So ever think or feel in the same fashion?
Pursue what you actually want, get it and then if it goes, it’s merely making room for the next chapter.
The next episode…
You may say you don’t regret… but your ancestors, friends, family, material extensions of you feel the regret. Feel your need to BE your upmost self. That is the true LOSS dear. That is the pure fear and anxiety. Not being your full self is what you’re losing. You will never lose when you’re after the truth. When you’re being your truth and light – all the abundance in the world expands with you and here is the kicker…it expands even when you’re not. BUT it’s Time my love. It is TIME.
Go after it my love…. you have all the support in the world, universe, and All there is. Go after it.